I went to a party with a work friend. She and her fiancee were having a little fall get-together and just a nice time all around. I had fun there were a lot of awesome people there and it was good to see people outside of the office. I got to meet her fiancee and he was nice as well. I also got to see them together and how they interact.

I want that relationship.

Not him specifically, he wasn't my type. I'm talking about the bond that they have. How they were able to laugh together and crack jokes while still being a lovey dovey. It was not that sickening sweetness you see with pre-teens or that super-reserved tolerance you see with some older more professional couples. It was love. LOVE.
The way he gazed at her when he though no one was watching or how he always had to just be touching her. He knew what she liked on her hotdog and how she never ate the end of the bun. She knew that he though ketchup on a hotdog was blasphemy and someday the Cubs would win the world series again.

What if I never have anything even remotely resembling that? What if I am one of those people who truly just never have anyone? My heart would really really like to believe that fate would never punish someone like that. My head is looking at the cold hard facts as well as the history (or lack thereof), and it doesn't look good. As far as I can tell I'm not a serial killer or a war criminal. I don't kick puppies or steal from the elderly. So its not that I am a bad person.

I'm just not the most physically attractive individual. I know that, I own it and I understand the implications. Or at least I understand them in my head. I can hear that little voice.

"You cannot make someone find you attractive. You cannot fault someone who is not attracted to you when you are not attractive. Please stop beating a dead horse."

Did I mention my little voice takes the shape of a twenty-something supermodel looking women with stilettos and a little black cocktail dress?